I used to think that hugs and holding hands means nothing. And love is just a thing. not until i met you who thought me everything. You let out the soft side of me which i didn’t know that is existing within me. I used to think that I am brave enough, that I am strong and i don’t need anyone to protect me because it is me who will protect them.
I was one of the most feared person, because of my eyes and the way I speak. everyone thought that I was fearless and strong. not until you came. we started as friends who talked a lot. make jokes and pranks, we shared the same thoughts sometimes… at first it’s just like that. a simple friendship, nothing more… nothing less… as times goes by we didn’t expect what happened next.
I, myself didn’t know what happened… that time when you stop talking to me.. everything we did and talked about came back to my memories„ the laughs, jokes the talks and many more. I find myself missing you… at first i thought it is because, I miss talking to my friend which is you. I asked you what’s the matter and you told me nothing, that everything is fine.. and I believe that.. i let myself be far from you that time. I thought maybe you have some problems needs to be resolve on your own.. so i let you..
as I wait… realizations hit me hard. I am starting to miss you to the point that I am contemplating to call you or not. to come to you and talk.. to joke around again like before. I was so stubborn.. and told myself not to fall for you.. I even ask God to help me remove this feeling inside my heart because I know it’s not right for both of us. but still maybe God is so tricky that even thought I told myself not to fall in love with you, still i did.
when you first hold my hand. i don’t know what to do, do i need to pull my hands away from you or not? and then I step back.. your hands are warm and I hate to admit it but it felt so right, your hand clasp against mine. and when you hug me. I let my guard down. but you know what? its the first time I felt so safe locked in your arms, my head against your chest where i can hear the beating of your heart.. every time I’m tired, Just a hug from you and my energy is revived. you are the first person to see this side of me. I am still holding back what I truly feel towards you. because i know that their is someone who loves you maybe more than I do. i hate to think about that but I know that you love her too.. I am afraid, yes. I am so afraid that maybe one day you will leave me because you just realize that you love her more than me… i prepared myself to be hurt. I don’t want to be a burden to you.. so if you will ask me to leave you alone. I will wholeheartedly grant it as long as it will make you happy.
they said that you are just using me. she even said that you are using me to take revenge and to make her jealous they said that you love her and not me. they said that I am just a tool for you. i don’t know what to believe now. my mind tells me to hate you… but that tiny voice in my head replaying what you have told me before “i will do everything just to protect you.” then my heart says believe him. and i did.
I asked you if you love me and you said “Yes, I love you.”
it’s you who will I believe. I love you, and I will always will. today seems not so good for both of us. everything is so complicated. I asked even my friends who are close to you. and they said "trust him, he loves you, more than you ever know."
and as I read your last message…
“Gusto kitang samahan. Hindi ko alam kung ano mga mangyayari pero gagawin ko lahat. Kung alam m lang kung gaano na kta kamiss. Gustong gusto na kita yakapin at makipag-usap sayo. Alam ko nahihirapan ka na dahil sakin. I’m very very sorry. Please, let’s avoid each other. It’s the best thing to do. Let’s wait until you graduate at least your safe. Ikaw lang iniisip ko. So please, cooperate my dear. I love you so much. You always complete me. I know it hurst but we need to endure. Saglitan lang yan, trust me. Napakilala na kita kay Lord kaya protektado ka na. Let’s oray always. Pray the Rosary always and don’t forget your responsibilities and personal concerns. Ayoko makagulo. We can endure this. I love you.”
i know now what to believe. yes it is hard and very hurtful for both of us.. but as long as I love you, we can stand through this.
when I hug you that night. I felt like crying. i missed you so much. and your mere hug strengthen me once again.
maybe it will be a longer wait for both of us.. but as I have promised you before.
"I will wait for you."
I don’t know what will happen in the near future. but always remember my promised. our paths maybe separated but remember, one day. when we see each other again. i don’t need a speech.
a hug would mean so much more than words..
I will love you to matter what it takes.
"I WILL WAIT FOR YOU. I LOVE YOU."